Sometimes TV shows and movies have better bops than real life music.
Artists are commonly made up for the sake of the plot in entertainment, but man are they made up well. We’ll never forget how The Cheetah Girls went from being one of many musically inclined women produced by Disney to having hits on the Billboard 200. Even anime creates bands such as Egoist, who went from only forming for the sake of Guilty Crown to making great songs for Psycho-Pass and Fate/Apocrypha.
But these are just some examples of fake bands turning real. What about the fake bands who, sadly, still remain our favorites that we can’t see live? Where can we get the songs of those who only exist on the big screen? Well, we know WHERE, but we shall not speak of those ways right now.
Here is an ode to all the TV bands we wish were real.
Zetta Bytes – Pixel Perfect
Before Ricky Ulman graced us with his future presence in Phil of the Future, he was making hologram singers in Pixel Perfect. Now this is a throwback Disney Channel Original Movie right here, as everything went downhill around 2008 with Cheetah Girls: One World. Here we have the band Zetta Bytes trying to make it big as most girl bands do. But, even though they have songs that pumps us up with very relatable lyrics, they lacked the “wow factor.” This is when Roscoe comes up with the idea of creating a near perfect performer called Loretta via hologram program who quickly gains everyone’s attention. Unfortunately, since Loretta is a hologram she is a bit oblivious to human nature, especially emotions. Heck, she’s almost as oblivious as Roscoe is to Samantha’s feelings even after she obviously wrote the song above about her feelings for him.
Boyz ‘N Motion – That’s So Raven
Admit it, you fangirled just as much as Raven and Chelsea did when seeing them perform. Heck, we all memorized the choreography they made up at school when excited to see their performance.
Oh Boyz – Kim Possible
Okay, Kim Possible didn’t have to go so hard on this band but it did. Even though there’s only an episode dedicated to them, we quickly see the rise, the fall, and rise again of this band in less than thirty minutes. They had a whole commercial about this band’s top hits, and that’s where they had is. These songs are easily a bop, and personally I’d have no shame in buying their album (ya know, cus that’s what we did back in the day) if they were real.
Microbe – Zenon Girl of the 21st Century
Who else wanted to be a supernova girl? It’s somewhat easy to forget the band’s name is Microbe, because most if the movie instead has Zenon talking about their lead singer Protozoa. You can tell this was 90s/early 00s because he has the typical boy band frosted tipped hair and leather outfit we all loved for some reason. My heart sure went “boom boom”.
Hex Girls – Scooby Doo
I STAN. The one thing Disney didn’t touch. If the Hex Girls were real they would be up there in gothic/metal music with Within Temptation and Lacuna Coil. My 6-year-old self was making choreography with my cousin to their other known bop “Earth, Wind, Fire, and Air.” They are easily the inspiration for little goth girls of the early 00s whose favorite holiday was Halloween before it was cool.
Chip Skylark – Fairly Odd Parents
Clearly this isn’t a band, but the voice of Chip was a member of *NSYNC so it totally counts. Chip Skylark is that adorable nerdy singer who stole our hearts with his humble and adorable demeanor. He’s so down to earth and caring, especially when trying to cheer Timmy up upon meeting him on his birthday despite being kidnapped. His first hit “Icky Vicky” already had us, but then he had us out here actually wanting to brush our teeth with his song “My Shiny Teeth and Me.” SHINY TEETH SHINY TEETH.
Pour one out for the bands we can’t have in real life, but will forever hold a place in our hearts.
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Cute and Depressed Black Girl is a grad student who binges anime when she's supposed to be studying. She also reads and re-reads a lot of Gambit x Rogue fanfic after watching the Cajun Spice episode of X-Men Evolution multiple times. When she's not reading or binging, she's in the dance studio getting her queen on.